As a counselor who often works with couples and families, I have heard common themes as to why people wait to enter relationship counseling or sometimes choose not to pursue it at all. In their context, these reasons make a lot of sense. The problem is that when we are in distress with the people we love the most, these reasons prevent us from getting the relief we need. As Albert Einstein once said, “If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you always got.”
Here are some of the common objections to entering relationship counseling and some of my thoughts in answer to them.
It’s too expensive
Yes, you are right, we are all hurting in this economy! However, consider that we have sliding scale fees for those who qualify and that the cost of your relationship NOT getting help is even greater.
It takes too much time
It does take time, I get it, and you don’t have much of it. But when you consider the gain in your relationships when you feel seen and heard, you wind up saving time and energy that would have been used up in conflict.
Let’s just move on already
If only that worked. Unfortunately, hurt and pain mount up into resentment, anger, and insecurity when we don’t deal with old wounds.
The counselor might side against me
Only in cases of abuse will a counselor take a side. A trained clinician knows how to hear both people and not take sides so they can help build bridges.
Our problems are too minor (or big)
No problem is too small or big to be helped by speaking with an objective person who can hear the deeper themes at play.
It might make things worse
While it’s true that sometimes things feel worse initially because you are opening up old wounds, it is also true that things will not improve by ignoring them. A therapist trained in working with relationships can help so that you are working towards healing and a healthier connection.
While this is not an exhaustive list, these are some common reasons people avoid coming to counseling with a loved one. If you find yourself struggling to commit, I hope you will consider speaking with me to find a way toward more secure and compassionate connections with your special people.
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